204 Crime Puns That Are a Steal

Here are 204 crime puns for your blog, designed to be realistic and relatable for humans!

**General Crime & Criminals:**

1. Why did the criminal break up with the police? He felt they were too *arrest*ing.
2. Being a criminal isn’t easy; it takes a lot of *guts* and no *guts*.
3. Criminals are always *plotting* something.
4. That crime was *unbelievable*!
5. Don’t *crime* if you can’t do the time.
6. He committed a *grave* crime.
7. The criminal always has an *axe* to grind.
8. I’m *guilty* of loving crime shows.
9. This criminal life is *killing* me.
10. The life of crime is often *short-lived*.
11. He’s always on the *lam*.
12. Crime doesn’t *pay*… well, not for long.
13. He’s a real *bad egg*.
14. Don’t let your crimes *define* you.
15. He had a *felon*ious good time.
16. The criminal was caught red-handed, but he still tried to *palm* it off on someone else.
17. Crime doesn’t sleep; it’s always *active*.
18. You could say he has a *criminal* mind.
19. He was *booked* for his crimes.
20. That criminal always tries to *escape* reality.
21. Don’t get *caught* in a bad situation.
22. He’s *suspect* of being a good person.
23. The criminal had a *shady* past.
24. This whole crime spree is *nuts*.
25. He’s *no stranger* to trouble.

**Theft & Robbery:**

26. Why did the thief get a job at the bakery? He wanted to *steal* all the rolls.
27. What do you call a happy burglar? A *jolly* good fellow!
28. The pickpocket was really good at *hand*ling his business.
29. He tried to *rob* me of my good mood.
30. The burglar was a bit of a *safe* cracker.
31. Shoplifting is a *steal*… until you get caught.
32. The bank robber said, “I’m here for the *dough*!”
33. He made a *grand* theft auto getaway.
34. The art thief had excellent *taste*.
35. The jewel thief always looked *sparkling*.
36. Don’t let someone *steal* your thunder.
37. The thief always took the *loot* route.
38. He’s a master of *disguise*… especially when stealing.
39. This whole robbery thing is a bit *over the top*.
40. The thief was so good, he could *steal* the show.
41. He was caught trying to *lift* weights… from the gym.
42. The burglar had a *breaking* point.
43. I tried to *mug* a coffee, but it was too hot.
44. The thief tried to *make off* with my wallet.
45. He’s got a *knack* for larceny.
46. That robbery left a *dent* in their finances.
47. He *took* off with all the money.
48. The thief was a real *smooth operator*.
49. He always wanted to *cash* in on a robbery.
50. That’s a *steal* of a deal!
51. The thief was feeling *light-fingered*.
52. He wasn’t *cut out* for a life of honest work, so he stole.
53. The heist was *vault*-y impressive.
54. He had a *casing* point to make.

**Fraud & Deception:**

55. Identity theft is a serious crime; it really *steals* your thunder.
56. The con artist was a *real smooth talker*.
57. Forgery always leaves a *bad impression*.
58. He tried to *swindle* me out of my dessert.
59. That’s a *fake* ID-ea!
60. He was caught trying to *cook the books*.
61. The scammer had a lot of *nerve*.
62. It was a complete *fraud-ulent* scheme.
63. He tried to *pull a fast one*.
64. Don’t get *taken for a ride* by a fraudster.
65. He’s a *master of deception*.
66. That lie won’t *hold water*.
67. The forger was a true *artist*… of deceit.
68. His alibi was *phony*.
69. He tried to *bamboozle* them.
70. Don’t let them *pull the wool* over your eyes.

**Police, Detectives, & Investigation:**

71. The detective was always *on the case*.
72. The police had to *apprehend* the suspect.
73. The officer always had a *vested interest* in justice.
74. The cop said, “Halt! In the *name* of love!”
75. The detective found a clue; it was *elementary*, my dear Watson!
76. The police had to *run* after the suspect.
77. They put the suspect on *ice*.
78. The police officer was feeling *blue*.
79. He had a *vest*ed interest in catching the bad guy.
80. The detective was good at *piecing* things together.
81. The police *squad* was on duty.
82. He was always *patrol*ling for trouble.
83. The officer made a *point* of enforcing the law.
84. This investigation is really *picking up speed*.
85. The police had a *beat* to their own drum.
86. He was feeling *under arrest*.
87. The evidence was *plain* to see.
88. They really *cracked* the case.
89. The police always *serve* and protect.
90. He had an *arresting* personality.
91. The detective was looking for a *break* in the case.
92. The police officer said, “You have the *right* to remain silent.”
93. They *cuffed* him and took him in.
94. The officer tried to *enforce* a smile.
95. The police felt they had a *solid case*.
96. He was *booked* for his crimes.
97. The police had to *follow through* on the lead.
98. The forensics team really *nailed* the details.
99. That’s a *siren* song to justice.
100. The police chief always *laid down the law*.

**Legal System, Court, & Trial:**

101. The lawyer always tried to *object*.
102. The jury had a lot to *weigh*.
103. The judge had to *rule* on the matter.
104. The witness had to *stand* tall.
105. He tried to *plead* his case.
106. The court was in *session*.
107. The verdict was *in*sane!
108. He got a *sentence* of a lifetime.
109. The prosecution rested their *case*.
110. The defense lawyer was always *arguing* for his clients.
111. He tried to *appeal* to their good nature.
112. The jury was *hung* up on a decision.
113. The judge was very *stern*.
114. The court hearing was quite *taxing*.
115. He was *charged* with a crime.
116. The lawyer tried to *cross-examine* the witness.
117. The trial was a real *test* of patience.
118. He had to *face* the music in court.
119. The verdict was *guilty* as charged!
120. They put him on *trial* and error.
121. The judge laid down the *law*.
122. He was *brought to justice*.
123. The legal system can be very *trying*.
124. He was given a *suspended sentence* and told to hang around.
125. The lawyer always had a good *case* of arguments.
126. The legal argument was *binding*.
127. He was put on *probation* and told to behave.
128. Don’t be *contempt* of court.
129. The whole *process* was exhausting.
130. He was *indicted* to a bad day.

**Prison, Jail, & Escape:**

131. The inmate said, “I’m just doing my *time*.”
132. He tried to *break out* of his shell.
133. Life in prison can be very *confining*.
134. He was put *behind bars* for his actions.
135. The escape artist always had a *plan*.
136. He was feeling *cooped up* in his cell.
137. Don’t get caught in the *slammer*.
138. He was *locked up* with his thoughts.
139. The prisoner tried to *dig* his way out.
140. He tried to *flee* the country.
141. The prison break was *unbelievable*.
142. He was *sentenced* to a life of hard knocks.
143. Getting out of jail is quite a *feat*.
144. He was a *cell*-ebrity inmate.
145. They had to *parole* him for good behavior.
146. The escape plan was *solid*.
147. His freedom was *on the line*.
148. He felt like he was *doing time* for nothing.

**Specific Crime Types:**

149. **Arson:** The arsonist had a *burning desire* to start fires.
150. **Arson:** He was *fired up* about committing arson.
151. **Arson:** That’s a *blazing* crime!
152. **Arson:** The arson investigation was *heating up*.
153. **Arson:** He tried to *torch* the competition.
154. **Kidnapping:** The kidnapper always had a *grip* on his victims.
155. **Kidnapping:** He was feeling *taken* for granted.
156. **Kidnapping:** It was a truly *captivating* crime.
157. **Kidnapping:** The victim was *bound* to escape.
158. **Vandalism:** The vandal left a *mark* on the wall.
159. **Vandalism:** He was caught *red-handed* with a spray can.
160. **Vandalism:** Vandalism is a *graffiti* mistake.
161. **Vandalism:** They really *painted* the town red.
162. **Hacking/Cybercrime:** The hacker found a *bug* in the system.
163. **Hacking/Cybercrime:** He tried to *phish* for information.
164. **Hacking/Cybercrime:** That’s a *cyber* crime you won’t forget.
165. **Hacking/Cybercrime:** He tried to *hack* his way to success.
166. **Hacking/Cybercrime:** The online scammer had a lot of *net* worth.
167. **Assault/Violence:** The mugger really *hit* a nerve.
168. **Assault/Violence:** He was charged with *battery*… the kind that powers a criminal career.
169. **Assault/Violence:** Don’t *strike* out on your own.
170. **Assault/Violence:** He got into a *fist* fight with the law.
171. **Drugs:** The drug dealer was always trying to *push* his luck.
172. **Drugs:** He got *high* on his own supply.
173. **Drugs:** That’s a *dope* crime.
174. **Drugs:** He tried to *smuggle* the goods past the border.
175. **Drugs:** The drug bust was a real *trip*.

**Tools & Objects:**

176. The crowbar was used to *pry* open the safe.
177. The mask helped him *face* the robbery.
178. The gloves gave him a *hand* in the crime.
179. The safe was *secure*… until the expert came along.
180. He left no *fingerprints*… a true *handy* criminal.
181. His alibi was *airtight*.
182. The gun was loaded, ready to *fire* a warning.
183. The knife was very *sharp* in the hands of the criminal.
184. They found a *clue* in his shoe.
185. The getaway car had a lot of *trunk* space.
186. He always had a *master key* to trouble.
187. The evidence was *bulletproof*.

**More General & Varied:**

188. He was *caught* in the act.
189. The criminal always has a *bone* to pick.
190. Don’t *commit* to a life of crime.
191. He was a *mastermind* of mayhem.
192. The suspect was *sketchy*.
193. He always seemed to *get away* with it.
194. The criminal was always on the *move*.
195. That’s a *deadly* serious crime.
196. He had a *rap* sheet a mile long.
197. The crime scene was a real *mess*.
198. He tried to *cover his tracks*.
199. The criminal had a *secret* agenda.
200. He was known for his *shady* dealings.
201. Don’t get *mixed up* in crime.
202. He was truly *bad* to the bone.
203. The criminal was always *plotting* something evil.
204. He was *up to no good*.