Okay, here are 100 puns for your blog, all relatable to human experiences:
1. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
2. I tried to make a belt out of watches, but it was a waist of time.
3. I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
4. I’m trying to organize my closet, but it’s just a hanger-on.
5. My doctor told me I’m lacking iron. I need supplements, I suppose.
6. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
7. I have a fear of speed bumps, but I am slowly getting over it.
8. I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know which came first.
9. My house is always cold, so I named it the Artic-tecture.
10. I’m going to stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.
11. I’m afraid of heights. It’s a towering issue for me.
12. I’m trying to cut back on screen time, but it’s hard to resist the allure of the pixel.
13. I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. Now I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
14. I love camping, it’s in-tents.
15. I can’t come into work today because I have hay fever. I’ll be sneezing you later.
16. The hotel I am staying at has terrible towels. I gave it one star.
17. I’m addicted to brake fluid, but I can stop whenever I want.
18. I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
19. I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
20. I have a photographic memory; I just haven’t developed it yet.
21. I hate when I lose my pen because I have to buy a new one. It’s in-de-pen-dent upon my budget.
22. I’m reading a book on the history of glue. I just can’t seem to stick with it.
23. Don’t worry about being self-centered. You’re the axis of your own world.
24. I saw a sign that said “Watch for Children”. I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”
25. What is the best way to make a glowworm happy? Give it a light-heartened friend.
26. People always call me a procrastinator, but I am going to get back at them later.
27. When chemists die, do they helium or curium?
28. A joke becomes a dad joke when it becomes apparent.
29. I couldn’t remember how to throw a boomerang, but then it came back to me.
30. Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It’s very time-consuming.
31. I hate the rain! However, without it, there would be no grains.
32. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
33. I’m trying to learn origami, but I’m all folded up about it.
34. I lost my job at the bank, because I was losing interest.
35. What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
36. I want to open a bakery, but I knead the dough.
37. I used to be a tailor, but I wasn’t suited for it.
38. I was going to make a joke about sodium, but Na.
39. I’m no photographer, but I can picture us together.
40. I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Please don’t read it.
41. My friend got crushed by a pile of books, he only had himself to blame.
42. I’m very good at multi-tasking, I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
43. The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
44. I was struggling to figure out how lightning works, but then it struck me.
45. I am going to be a vegetarian because I am tired of chicken. I need a good steak.
46. My friend works at a bowling alley, you could say that’s right up his alley.
47. I am so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
48. A lot of people say that I can’t do accents, but that’s just not true.
49. My neighbor is very clumsy, but he means well.
50. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
51. What do you call a sad strawberry? A blueberry.
52. What’s a pirate’s favorite subject? Arrrr-t.
53. I’m writing a book about insomnia; I couldn’t put it down.
54. I just got fired from my job at the orange juice factory; I couldn’t concentrate.
55. Never marry a tennis player; love means nothing to them.
56. I would tell you a joke about unemployment, but none of them work.
57. People who use selfie sticks need to have a good hard look at themselves.
58. When you don’t know what to wear, wear a nice perfume.
59. I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory; all I did was take a day off.
60. I had to use a ladder for my new job, but it was a step up.
61. I have been feeling under the weather lately, but I will get over it.
62. Don’t sweat it.
63. He lost his left arm and leg, but he is all right now.
64. My friend keeps sitting on his money because he likes sitting on his assets.
65. I can write faster than most people, so you could say I am quick-witted.
66. My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch, I call it lunch.
67. I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.
68. I really love my job, I couldn’t live without it.
69. This is just my two cents.
70. I like my coffee how I like myself: dark, bitter, and too hot for you.
71. You know what they say, Rome wasn’t built in a day.
72. I’m not clumsy, the floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies and the walls get in my way.
73. I had to use a ladder for my new job, but it was a step up.
74. Have an egg-cellent day.
75. Be careful when feeding your children peanut butter sandwiches so they don’t get jammed.
76. After a car accident, I didn’t know what to do, but then it hit me.
77. What do you call a woman with one leg? Eileen.
78. I don’t like escalators because they get me down.
79. A backwards poet writes inverse.
80. I like to make natural juice because it is pretty grape.
81. I am so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
82. A lot of people say that I can’t do accents, but that’s just not true.
83. My neighbor is very clumsy, but he means well.
84. I was really nervous about public speaking but I got the crowd’s attention.
85. I don’t get why people don’t like swimming, it’s really a-peel-ing.
86. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two tired.
87. How do you make a lemon drop? Just let it fall.
88. Be very careful, you don’t want to go downhill.
89. Be careful not to lose your voice!
90. I feel like a balloon, ready to pop.
91. Can’t remember how to write, but it will come back to me.
92. Need to brush up on new skills.
93. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
94. I like walking in the park because I am able to park my car.
95. How do you make a hot dog stand? Take away its chair.
96. It’s not always easy to see people’s point of view.
97. I told my son to never trust atoms, because they make up everything.
98. I am in great shape… round is a shape.
99. How do you keep a bull from charging? Take away its credit card.
100. I’m so good at sleeping. I can do it with my eyes closed.